34-year-old single dad hurt and grounds 16-year-old daughter after overhearing her confession that she "manipulates" him: 'She told her friends about how easy it is [...] so that she can get anything that she wants from me'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 9, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Raising kids is difficult. You give everything to them just to have it thrown back in your face. This hurts more as the kids get older and have greater command over their faculties. Still, this isn't straightforward as teenagers are immensely complex and difficult, they'll say hurtful things with intentionality, knowing that it will hit some mark—or simply to impress their friends.

The one thing adults have over their children is a fully developed frontal cortex and emotional maturity—at least one would hope. So, being the adult in the room, sometimes you need to let things slide off like water off a duck's back, make corrections where necessary, and get on with your day. 

It seems more than likely that his daughter was just saying these things to impress her friends, something like a "You think I'm a coddled daddy's girl? Well, I'm actually a cold-hearted manipulator." Just a shortsighted attempt to gain some "street cred." It seems like this dad's heart is in the right place, but his reaction is absolutely an overreaction, this "incident" could have used 10% of the extensive time and effort that he has put into it and been resolved. Seems like this is a learning experience for everyone.

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    "AITAH for taking away all of my daughter's luxuries after comments that she made about me?"

    For context I am a single father (34M) to a teenage daughter (16F) and we're from Scotland. I've pretty much raised her myself ever since her Mother walked. on the both of us when my daughter was still a toddler. Her Mother wasn't fully committed to having a child due to how young we were at the time. However I knew that I wanted this baby girl in my life and I was determined to go through whatever hardships were thrown my way. Then the eventuality came, and her Mother left us and hasn't factore
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    Fast forward to the present day and I've developed a wonderful relationship with my daughter. She's the only person who has factored into my life for these past 16 years, and every decision that I've made, I've made for her. There has been challenges along the way, and some very difficult times. But we've always managed to get through them, and I believe that I've done a good job in the role of both her father and her mother.
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    She's very articulate, well behaved and polite. She is honestly the best daughter that I could've ever asked for. And we're incredibly close, too, due to it being just the two of us. She has always been what they would call a 'Daddy's Girl'. All of my disposable income has always gone towards father/daughter days out together, buying her things whenever she has asked for them. Though always within reason and budget, and with conditions such as that she does well in school.
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    Everything seemed perfect, till recently. A few weeks ago, a few of her best friends were over for the weekend. My daughter and her friends have known. each other since their infant school days (early elementary school for any US Redditors). They must've assumed that I was too far out of earshot, because when my daughter's friends were talking about how envious they are of her, and how lucky she is for having a Dad who loves her and will do anything. for her. The words that came out of my daught
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    She started laughing, as she told her friends about how easy it is for her to behave like a loving daughter, so that she can get anything that she wants from me. My daughter and her friends then all laughed together and made further jokes about how easily she can manipulate me. Hearing these words coming from the mouth of the one person who I've dedicated my life to has been the hardest anguish that I've ever felt, and it feels as though she has physically ripped my heart from my chest. I have f
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    After her friends left, I sat down for dinner with my daughter and I asked her what she meant when she told her friends that she behaves like a loving daughter just so that she can get anything that she wants from me. In that instant I saw the look in her face that reminded me of a deer in headlights. She initially didn't know what to say. But after a few moments, the look on her face turned to one of ashamed as she tried to apologise and tell me that she didn't mean any of the words that she sa
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    As punishment, I have taken away the luxuries that I have been spending on her. Such as subscription services to Netflix, Crunchyroll, etc. I've replaced her contract phone with a simple phone that is 'Pay As You Go' (so that she can still contact people in an emergency), and I've also cancelled bookings for upcoming father/daughter days that I had planned with her. Barring the basic necessities that I need to provide for her as her Father. Such as food, clothing, a roof over her head, money for
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    My daughter feels that I am being incredibly unfair towards her and she has told me that this will permanently damage our relationship together. Which of course I do fear it could cause an irreparable damage to our relationship and that I will ultimately lose the one remaining person that I have left.
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    However I feel as though this is a fair punishment. She has taken advantage of my love for her and manipulated me to get everything that she wants. Whilst also disrespecting me by laughing about how easy I am for getting everything that she wants. All of her past behaviour and words of love towards me now all just feels like a bunch of lies so that she could get anything that she wants. (She has cried, telling me that she genuinely does love me and that she appreciates everything that she has do
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    I do apologise for what seems to be a rambling. And I promise that this isn't Al created, nor for karma farming. I am just looking for opinions from those out of my immediate circle. Because this entire ordeal has scrambled my entire head and has left my heart torn in two by the one person who I never thought would break it. Thank you for listening to this incredibly long rant. It is slightly healing getting all of this off of my chest, tbh.
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    Edit: Update. Thank you to everyone so far for your responses, I do appreciate all of them, and that includes both the NTA and YTA responses. I feel that both are needed to try and help me get my head around this entire situation. I will try and respond to as many replies as I can, but I do appreciate everyone who has taken time out of their day to post their own thoughts on the matter.
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    Just a few clarifications and minor bits of information that I left out in my original post. Whilst she certainly did say at first that my punishments would damage our relationship long term. She has since backtracked on that and has apologised, saying that she honestly didn't mean that and that she only said it out of anger at the time. She does seem to be genuinely upset and deeply regrets saying that.
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    She's also up for counselling so that we can come to an understanding, and my best friend (and my daughter's Godmother) has offered to mediate between the both of us. Because we all want to get this sorted, and I genuinely want to believe what my daughter is saying is true, and that she regrets saying something that she didn't mean. But I still feel that it will take a while to heal those wounds caused by her words. Once again, thank you everyone for taking your time to respond to something that
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    Update 2: Except for a few comments about the mother, I am genuinely appreciative of the comments that have agreed and disagreed with my actions. I am glad that I decided to take this to Reddit so that I could get an outsider's perspective. I did this for two reasons. Firstly, I didn't want a biased opinion from family or friends (who'll either agree with my daughter or myself). And Secondly, I don't wish to run the risk of family thinking badly about my daughter. Even in all of this, I love her
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    I've been reading through the comments, getting all your opinions and experiences, and I am going to take a while to go over my mind on what I want to say to my daughter tomorrow when we talk about what has happened. I want to go into this all with as clear a head a possible and understand where I am at fault myself. And I 100% agree with those who have said that I am at fault for a number of my own mistakes and behaviour.
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    I deeply regret cancelling the father/daughter events that we had planned together. She has already lost one parent, and it is wrong of me to deny her time with her one remaining parent. That was incredibly wrong of me, and I do intend on apologising to her tomorrow for that. That is my own fault, and I will own up to it.
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    Finally, looking back on what I included in my original post. A lot of how I've perceived the entire situation has most likely come from me being blinded by my own emotions. But I won't edit it out, as I feel that I need to remain open in what I have already shared. And that's including if it's stuff that I shouldn't of shared and regret doing so (Example, I regret saying that she is most likely only sorry because she has been caught. I shouldn't of said that).
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Update: Okay, I feel as though that I need to clarify a number of points that have been brought up. - I haven't emotionally manipulated her into a situation where she feels like can't eventually move out of our home. That actually couldn't be further from the truth. We have been discussing her future plans, such as university and her career goals. I am fully supportive of her future life goals, and there is nothing that would make me prouder than watching her eventually go down her own chosen pa
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    Her home life is also very good. She is very active in sport and has a social life. with her friends. As long as she is home by a reasonable time, she is allowed to spend her free time how she chooses. And during that time, I will spend my free time with either my best friend, or spending time with the local ice hockey club that I play for.
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    - I didn't really want to address my future plans for a 'love life'. Because that wasn't supposed to be the focus on my post, but as some have decided to bring it up and how they feel that my daughter is worried that she won't one day be able to leave the house, because I will be depending on her? I am fully aware of the fact that once she goes off to uni, I will be 36 and still young enough to find a lifelong partner. That is something that I want for myself in the future, But for now my one fo
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    My daughter knows this, and besides from jokingly saying "eewww" at the idea of her old man dating someone. She is hoping that I will find a partner to spend my days with. So I hope that we can get over thinking that my daughter is suffocating in her home life. Because that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes she is the only person in my life right now. But that doesn't mean that she's being denied a life of her own.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Jmhotioli1234 I think you and your daughter would benefit from some family counseling. Tell her how hurt you were and that you want to go to counseling with her to work through it. If she willing agrees to counseling, you'll know she does care. But you have to be open and honest with your feelings. She needs to see how much pain she caused you.
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    Prize_Maximum_8815 Parenting is tough. Sometimes, there are no right answers. Looking back, I feel my kids might have benefitted both from more strictness and more understanding. I would say you should try to treat this as a learning moment for both of you. Letting her gradually earn your trust back as you try to understand her behavior may help. grow your relationship. Good luck!
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    Impossible_Apple7822 Sounds like she was just trying to sound edgy to her mates, hope you can both sort it through
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    ToyrewaDokoDeska She's 16 brother, I think she was probably just trying to sound cool to her friends.
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    deathboyuk Mate. Teenagers are sometimes. They say things to sound cool that aren't true. They make mistakes and learn. I've been in a similar place, and am also very close with my kid. Which is more likely? a) She's played you like a fiddle your whole life, with you oblivious for the entire time. b) She said a mean lie to come off cool to a mate, thinking you'd never hear.
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    Absolutely right to punish her BUT don't kill the time spent together. You can't let that relationship drop. You're the grownup, dust yourself off and get to rebuilding. It's our job. NTA.
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    Alternative_Wolf_643 I think you're too dependant on your daughter. This is totally normal teenage behaviour and you're acting as if your wife said something bad behind your back. I think the fact that she has been THE ONLY PERSON in your life for so long has been incredibly damaging to you and it could be damaging to her as well to have a father so dependant on her. She can't be responsible for your feelings, and she needs room to make normal teenage mistakes. She is a teenager, not your life p
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    NateZ10 Honestly dude I think you poorly reacted to your own emotions. What she said was hurtful to be fair, but she's also 16. 16 year olds will say some messed up stuff just for the approval of friends. I think you allowed yourself to sit too deeply into those feelings and didn't give your daughter a fair chance to apologize.
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